Not that type of "it" - the type of "it" that no one really likes doing all the time! The stuff that needs to be done. Being able to just push through and do the tasks I need to do.
Basically from late teens, all through my 20's and 30's, amongst feeling sorry for myself and being completely depressed and a total sad sack, I spent a lot of time trying to change and be better. Reading self help books, motivational books, gorging myself on YouTube content. Trying to find a way to escape my shitty mind. But God it was clogged up!
I could never motivate myself to do the things I needed to do, and if I had motivation, it was short lived and for the most part, drug induced. I have no idea how I managed to complete a Master of Architecture degree after practically flunking year 11, 12, Graphic Design at Tafe and Architectural Drafting at Tafe.... (In fact, I do know, thank you World of Warcraft!)
Somehow, I started a business?
Suffice to say, I even started my own architectural business, and it grew over time, but not my bank account. Nor did my discipline make any huge leaps. I had some good habits, but they were mostly overshadowed by all my negative habits. It was always so difficult to start, and I'd always leave things to the last minute. NOTE: BEST TIP FOR HOW NOT TO RUN A BUSINESS - and if I felt like shit (most of the time), then I just wouldn't do my work!
Just get on with it! *queue Rocky montage*
This is how successful people operated. I was reading about it! Endlessly! But I couldn't change from the words alone, or the rudimentary techniques they'd provide. But I was stuck in a loop of doing the same shit over and over and over and over and over again.
It was only after I meditated and cleared my mind, and cleared my negative habits, that my entire being began to change. Over the years, I have strengthened and built on those good habits and am now able to just get on with it, almost all the time. Not completely. I still I have times where I feel extremely stressed that I end up binge eating, and the eating puts me in a state of lethargy. So I'm determined to detach from that feeling of the body and try to make sure I keep moving, especially through those bodily feelings. They're the bloody devil.
So even today, when I felt crap because of an extremely stressful situation (life or death in my mind!), I simply got on my way and gratefully accepted the mind and kept moving, doing what I needed to do. As I was doing this, like always, the Universe, our Mother and Father, sent me an angel, my good friend DW and we had a beautiful chat as I did my work, and I've been given a burst of energy! I feel so loved, and so much love.
But am I still on that quest to find that True Love. And that's part of this journey of gratitude...
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